Come jokes
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
Memes
Dident come in a package
They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.
There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
Where does cotton candy come from? The cotton pickers!
Attention, everyone: I will be leaving this website. Thank you everybody who has been nice to me. Maybe I’ll come back in the future, but for now: Goodbye.
Ask an orphan this: "What's the difference between cancer and your dad? Cancer comes back!"
A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!
Are you a haunted house?
Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.
Yo mama so fat, it took your dad eight years to come back with the milk.
What did the Brit say to the American?
Well here comes fascism.
An orphan walks into a science lab. The lead scientist greets him and takes him to a DNA testing station. After some procedures, the results come back:
"UNKNOWN"
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
What kind of star will come out in the daytime?
A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂
What sound does a nut make when it comes alive?
Christmas!