Cold jokes
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What separates snowmen from snow-women?
Snow balls.
How do you know if a snowman is a girl or a boy?
A: Snowballs.
Why do bees stay in the hive during winter?
... S'warm!
Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).
Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).
Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce in.
Lettuce in who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
Why was the stadium so cold?
Because of all its fans!
I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.
I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."
"Knock Knock..."
"Who's There?"
"Kenya"
"Kenya who?"
"KENYA OPEN THE DOOR IT'S FREEZING OUT HERE!!!!"
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.
How do you fix an igloo?
With Iglue.
What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?
A baby smoothie.
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.
What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?
Cold as hell.
I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.
About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."
I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."
Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"