Cold Jokes

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters? A: IC (icy).

Q: What state is surrounded by the most water? A: Hawaii (this is really just a trick riddle).

Q: David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and what's the third son's name? A: David.

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank!

I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.

What do you call a rapper with a cold?

Lil Sneezy.

Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!

Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

Three figures in armor, including Napoleon and Hitler. One figure says, "Me, going out without my jacket," while the text below reads, "thinking it's not gonna be that cold."

How do you fix an igloo?

With Iglue.

What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.

What's thick and has ice in it when you take it out of a blender?

A baby smoothie.

What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts lolololol hahahahah.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

What do you call a ride that drops 180 degrees?

Cold as hell.

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

How do you make antifreeze?

You steal her blanket.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!