Cold jokes
I love autumn!
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Memes
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff.
When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?
Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.
Son: I hate you!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cold.
Cold who?
"It is cold out here!"
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Why was it cold in Stephen Hawking's house?
Because he had a new window open...
A man takes a boy into the woods.
Boy says:
"Mister, I’m scared, and it’s dark and cold."
The Man: "How do you think I feel? I’m walking out here alone!"
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”