Choice jokes

Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"

There’s so many protests. Every time I see "my body, my choice," I can’t tell if we’re protesting the masks or trying to kill babies.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Employer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

Don't ever wanna fuck a dude!!

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Q. What type of flour do orphans get?

A. Self-raising flour.

I respect woman’s choices... either she wants to cook first, then clean, or she wants to clean first, then cook.

Dad, am I adopted?

NO! Why would I ever choose you?

I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

What is an orphan’s favorite beer?

Fosters.

Why do emos love jumping in water?

Because it involves a rope.

If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.

What's the difference between an apple and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.