Choice jokes

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Life asked death, "Why do people choose you over me?"

Death replied, "Because you're the beautiful lie, and I'm the painful truth."

Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.

Why do orphans like apples? Because they get picked.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute?

So they could finally call someone "daddy."

Roses are red, violets are black, I traded my son for 10 Big Macs.

When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.

"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?

Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.

After I am dead during my funeral service, I want someone to play my favorite song by Boy George and Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind."

Why did the man decide to work at a pizza place? Because he kneaded the dough!

Manly men go to strip clubs. JD Vance goes to IKEA.

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?

A Double Manhattan.

Why are transgender people like confused kids?

Because they both don't know what they want to be in life.

What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”

What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”

What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”