Night Stand jokes

"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"

"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake phone number.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?

The second nightstand.

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"

Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.

Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

My little sister called my name a few minutes after I put her to bed. She told me that there was something in her closet. I checked the closet and told her there was nothing there, but told her she could still sleep in my room with me. I was thinking that was the best way to get her out of the room before he noticed I saw him.