Chocolate jokes
Life is like a raisin cookie you expected to be chocolate.
Disappointing.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Little Johnny walks out to the garage and sees Dad smoking a cigarette. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have a puff of that cigarette?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage and sees his Dad drinking a beer. He asks, "Hey Dad, can I have some of that beer?" Dad asks, "Well, Johnny, can your dick reach your ass?" Little Johnny scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, no, Dad, my dick can't reach my ass." His Dad says, "There's your answer, Johnny..." Little Johnny goes back in the house.
About an hour later, Little Johnny comes back out to the garage with a big plate of Tollhouse Chocolate Chip cookies, fresh from the oven. His Dad says, "Wow, Johnny, those sure look like some good cookies. You think I can have some?" Little Johnny asks his Dad, "Well Dad, can your dick reach your ass?" His Dad scratches his head and thinks about it for a moment. He then replies, "Well, yes, Johnny, I do believe my dick can reach my ass." Little Johnny says, "Well, Dad, you can go FUCK yourself, cuz Mom made these cookies for me!!!"
Bro, are you an Oompa Loompa? Because you look like you just came from the chocolate factory.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
You call it turds.
I call it the forbidden chocolate.
What is the opposite of a lady finger?
Answer: Mentos.
Why do oompa loompas secretly take Skinny Dips in Willy Wonka's chocolate?
They wanted some chocolate balls.
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?
I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
"Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, chocolate's made." (Point to your boobs, vagina/crouch area, and then to your butt area in sync with words.)
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
Charlie likes big, black chocolate.
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What is a gorilla's favorite cookie?
It's chocolate chimp.