children's

children's jokes

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

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    • Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!

    Somebody shouts "Fire!"

    Man 1: Get the children out!

    Man 2: F*** the children!

    Man 3: We don't have time!

    What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?

    They both get turned on by children.

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    • What do Michael Jackson and Tesco carrier bags have in common? They’re both made out of plastic and harmful to children.

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    • Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

    - He robbed children of their innocence.

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    • What does a man with 20 children do now?

    Now he eats sausages even with cellophane.

    What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?

    A: Garry Glitter's boots.

    New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!

    (Obtained by running over 69 children.)

    Roses are red,

    my life is a disaster,

    the children are fast,

    but the combine is F A S T E R!

    1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

    - A bus full of children.

    2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    - He died of a yeast infection.

    3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

    - “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

    4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

    - Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

    5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

    - Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    Why do white people colonize everything?

    To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

    A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...

    ...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

    "My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."

    The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'

    They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'

    Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...

    Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."

    She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"

    Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"