Child jokes
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
Why didn’t the orphan see the new movie?
It was "Spider-Man: No Way Home."
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet? Beets stain your teeth.
I'd tell a child abuse joke, but I forget the punchline.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
Yo daddy so poor, when yo mama ask for sum child support money, yo dad don’t have it! 🤣
Why is it okay to hit orphans?
It's not like they can tell their parents.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
So, two kids argued and insulted each other.
KID 1: "Your dad left because he didn't want you, so why don't you kill yourself?"
KID 2: "Well, your dad already killed himself because he didn't want you."
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year, and he was so ungrateful, like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to?