Child jokes

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, the second May, the third June. Who was the first child?

Sally.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

Why couldn't the Orphan play baseball?

Because he couldn't find home!

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Yo, Bloon... what bitch where the fuck my child support camo Bloon? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"

The child said, "A mistake."

Mom asks, "Why are you are THIS show??? It's DISTRACTING you from SCHOOL!!!!!"

The child says, "Don't you mean SCHOOL is distracting ME from this AWESOME show?"

Mom whispers, "Oh, you DEAD."

For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.

Heyo, my children, hope you haven't forgotten about our cult!

Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: They can't run home.

Why was Six afraid of Seven?

Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It's not like it can tell its parents.