Child jokes
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!
Memes
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't run home.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like it can tell its parents.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
Why are orphans so good at tennis?
They never get love.
What's a benefit of being an orphan?
No one makes yo mama jokes to you.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
Why can’t orphans be criminals?
Because they’re not wanted!
Why was Six afraid of Seven?
Because 7 was accused of the murder of 26 children.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they can't go to home base. 😈
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?