Child jokes
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a rich Chinese child?
"Ching Ching..."
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?
The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.