Child jokes

What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.

Why are orphans lucky?

Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

They don’t know where home is.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

Why could not the 11 year old watch the pirate movie?

because it was rated RRRRGGGG.

I am guessing you don't understand :(

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

I make baby mush.

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...

What should you never say to an orphan?

"Your Mom."

Why can't an orphan read?

He couldn't go to school without a parent's signature.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

What should orphans do when their parents aren’t there? The usual.

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home.