Child jokes

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?

TIMMAHHHH!

What do you call a sped kid in a wheelchair that caught on fire?

Hot Wheels.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

What did the girls on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

"Could you move? Your sun is in my son."

Why can you slap an orphan?

Are they going to tell mommy?

How many children does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw.

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

What's an orphan's favorite movie? "Going Home."

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

What's the difference between orphans and cotton?

Cotton gets picked.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

DAD: I'm bringing your toys to the orphanage.

SON: Why?

DAD: You're going to need them.

What did the orphan get for Christmas?

Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.

How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.