Child jokes
What are the three worst years of a black child's life?
First grade!
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?
Teacher: What?
Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.
Teacher: Why water?
Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.
Memes
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
What do you call a parent that is pregnant?
Buy one, get one free.
What do you call a rich Chinese child?
"Ching Ching..."
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.