Child jokes
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
How did the Asian couple name their child?
They dropped pots and pans down the stairs and listened to the noises.
What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?
The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
Gloves!
JK, he hasn't opened it yet.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How is spinach like anal sex?
If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Max likes his girls like he likes his wine. 7 years old and locked in his basement.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
What's the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy children.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night.
The little boy says, "I'm scared."
The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.