Change jokes
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.
What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?
A corpse, of course!
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
"Ching chang chong."
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ... so Trump can't tweet it.
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
People are really upset with the Trump-Biden debate.
So much so, that Chris Wallace has requested to change his name.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.
My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.
So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.
So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"
So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
His wife changed the WiFi password.
Broccoli says, "I look like a tree."
Walnut says, "I look like a brain."
Cashew says, "I look like a kidney."
Banana says, "Can we change the topic please?"
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password.
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.