Celebrity jokes
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
How did Reese eat her cereal? - Witherspoon!
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
He sings, he dances, be he also HE HE.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
Your leg is straighter than James Charles.
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
Your hairline is so pushed back it looks like Will Smith slapped it back.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?
They both have torn rotators.
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
Just noticed something: all celebrities die badly except for Elvis. He had a relief after Taco Bell.
Have you seen Dolly Parton's new shoes? Neither has she!
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
Some say under his helmet is another smaller helmet, and under that is another helmet, and under that is a poster of Miley Cyrus.