Celebrity jokes
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Who is the new heterosexual Michael Joseph Jackson (pedophile)?
R. Kelly.
What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
When I grow up, I wanna be like Lil Peep... Dead.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
He sang a love song to a rat, yet stans are befuddled on why people keep calling their idol "Wacko Jacko".
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
Imagine Michael Jackson having kids? Would they come out Black or white or plastic?
What is Bill Cosby's favorite poem? Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till your asleep to rape you.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
What do you call a chubby Robert Pattinson? The Fatman.
What does Justin Bieber and a rabbit have in common?
They're both adorably cute and everyone loves them except for Justin Bieber.
May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.
May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.