Celebrity jokes
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
So Paul Walker made a rap cover. It is called "Straight Out of Windshield."
What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?
Mountain Dew.
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
Michael farts. Jackson doesn’t.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Chuck Norris is a ham weiner.
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns?
He, he.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
I suck.
I suck who?
Michael Jackson.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What has eight legs and leaves kids alone? The Jackson 4.
Michael Jackson went into an Italian restaurant and died because he choked on 9-year-old meatballs.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
One thing that Johnny Depp and Michael Jackson love to do? Sniff on little white crack.