Celebrity jokes
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
How are laundry and Michael Jackson related?
They both got bleached!