Celebrity jokes
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.
this one hurts
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?
"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."