Celebrity jokes

What's white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson.

I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

Me: Cobain!

Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.

Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What was Michael Jackson's favorite song?

"Touch Me (I Want Your Body)."

Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.

What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?

Beat it.

Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.

What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?

"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."

Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?

A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?

Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂

I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.

But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

He wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

At the age of 100, you get a letter from the Queen. At 12, you get a DM from Prince Charles.