Celebrity jokes

What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

They don’t cook because they love eating out.

How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

Poker Face.

Why did Michael Jackson love melted chocolate? Because he could pour it on his cock, then get a prepubescent boy to suck it off.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

What do Michael Jackson and Pinocchio have in common?

They both lie over little boys 😂

Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?

Because it was over 10 years old.

What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

Kobe Bryant and 9/11 are two things I don't joke about because when I do, they tend to crash and burn.

What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They're both turned on by kids.

I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"

What's white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Why was Michael Jackson at Kmart?

He heard they had little boys' pants 1/2 off.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

Why did Paul Walker drown?

Because he was too busy carpooling.

Which fish is the most famous?

The star fish!