— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Do you wanna eat makeup, 'cause you're not pretty on the inside?
Why do white people own so many pets?
'Cause they can't own people anymore.
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
Why do cantaloupes always get married in the church?
'Cause they can't elope.
Yo, Rob, you forgot to pay me cause you sucky sucky my thang.
AKA, you're up for adoption.
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops*
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Why shouldn’t you play cards in Africa?
'Cause there’s too many cheetahs.
I thought you played football 'cause you're hairline is receiving.
September 11th is the superior birthday because no one forgets it. #flexingonyoubitches ;)
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
Yo mama so fat...
That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!
Are you an abstract manifestation of my childhood traumas and recent memories combined? 'Cause damn, you look like you came out of a dream!
