Career jokes

You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

What is a suicidal horny person's job?

A butcher.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.