Career jokes
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
So he could navigate his way through the rap game.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
Why can’t Hitler do track?
He can’t even finish a race.
Why did the DJ go to therapy?
Because he had too many issues with his TURNTABLE.
Literally the most popular job: YouTube.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
If Hitler was a comedian, he would use laughing gas.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
Your career might be in the north, but it's going south :)
Why did the rapper become a pilot?
Because he wanted to take his flow to new heights!
Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.
Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.