Career Jokes

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

Note for employers

The image shows a four-panel meme. Each panel has a different statement on the left side and a corresponding picture of a brain on the right. The statements, in order, are: "You're fired", "Your employment is hereby terminated", "You're jobn't", and "You're promoted to customer". The images of the brain show its evolution and increasing enlightenment.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

What is a suicidal horny person's job?

A butcher.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator?

He was fired from his job because he couldn’t learn the route.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!