Career jokes

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

I used to be a banker...

But then I lost interest.

Aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents told me the sky was the limit.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?

Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.

My mom said she wanted to be a comedian when she grows up. So after she was an adult, she had kids. When they were old enough, she told them you could be whatever you want...

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

What is a suicidal horny person's job?

A butcher.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?

He was just going through a stage.

My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

As I grow older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...

Just because you have a career in the North doesn't mean you are North Korean.

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?

Tony Abbott's career.