Career jokes

What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?

A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.

I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

How to get into politics?

Fail art school.

I work with animals!

What do you do?

I’m a butcher.

I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?

Hitler knew when his career was over.

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?

Because he had a ton of sick beets.

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?

He was trying to get ahead in life.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?

"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"