Career jokes
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
I'm glad I'm not a pornstar... that would be pretty sucky.
Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
I work with animals!
What do you do?
I’m a butcher.
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?
Hitler knew when his career was over.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.
Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!
Why did the Headless Horseman get a job?
He was trying to get ahead in life.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"