Career jokes
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
They were going through a stage!
My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.
Why did the rapper wear a watch to the studio?
Because it was all about the TIMING.
Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?
Me: Oh, I wan-
Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.
Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.
What did Pennywise become after LEAVING the circus? Ex-IT.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
By recruiting sponsors, they help them find work in their first year.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
So, if being a paedophile is a career, then burying the bodies must be gardening.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute?
So they could finally call someone "daddy."
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.