Career jokes
My career is worth more than your adoption.
Teacher: What do you want to be when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Note for employers
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
Why are orphans always so successful? Because when they're told "go big or go home," they only have one option.
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?
Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.
Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?
Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.
Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?
Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.
Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.
Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.
Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.
Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?
Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?
I was playing FIFA and out of nowhere the game glitched during a penalty shootout.
Pionel Pessi appeared out of nowhere, took my pen and skied it. Thanks to him, I'm out of UCL and was sacked in Career Mode. Shame on you Pessi!😡😡😡😡
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Why did the rapper become a barber?
Because they love CUTTING TRACKS!