Career jokes
Why can’t Hitler join the track? Because he can’t even finish a race.
I've got a job defusing landmines.
It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Why did the rapper become a barber?
To trim his verses.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.
I bet Kobe failed flying school.
Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.
What job do you want if you don't want people's twos since?
A Catholic priest.
What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?
Lil Teller.
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to make dough.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
Why did Dad Man quit acting?
I don’t know either.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.