Car jokes

What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

There is no difference.

They both got split open by a huge log.

Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?

Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.

Student: Ok!!

Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?

Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.

Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.

Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?

He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."

I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.

Usually I just use tissues.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!

It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.

We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.

Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.

We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.

I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

I did a walk, walk, and I had to a car and a walk home from home I did.

Why did the blonde stare at the Ford?

Because it said, "Focus."

What do you call a Chinese car thief?

Tommy Tookamota.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!

What's the difference between a cop car and a hedgehog?

With a cop car, all the pricks are on the inside.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.