Cant jokes
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Are you kidding? Feminists can’t change anything.
Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.
Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"
I can’t believe I’ve never seen this before
Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.
Why does a kid in a wheelchair get bullied? Because he can’t stand up for himself.
What is yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of orphans.
What’s the difference between jam and marmalade?
I can’t marmalade my cock into your mum’s arse.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?
Moorry Christmas!
(Even though cows can't really have religions.)
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
What is it that gay men can't get from having too much oral sex?
Erectile dysfunction.
Why can't an orphan roleplay? Because they don't have parents.
Why can't the English play chess? Because they lost their queen. And why can't the US play chess? Because they lost their towers.