Cant jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
I can't stop thinking about those beans.
Shep
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
(The plane) we can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
A Chinese man moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door, but on his way up the driveway he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these "Chinese customs", he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbor leading a bull down the driveway and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
"What do you mean," says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me," replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bull-shit!"
Why can’t the blind man find love?
It’s called love at first sight.
What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.
Why do orphans hate playing baseball?
'Cause they can't get a home run.
Wash It Away - By Bradley Lewis(watersharky) and Ben Lewis and Watersharky Music Productions - Why does it always feel like I'm the one that's had a bad day?
Whether I'm stuck in traffic or showing up to work late,
Oh this 9 to 5 feels like 9 to forever been working all week
For a jerk that thinks they can say whatever they want to me
I'll just bite my tongue for a couple more days
Soon I'll be in that island sun surfing those waves
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Finally I'm here and I can't even stop myself from smiling
Somebody hand me a beer and I'll check the girls on the island
Don't miss my 9 to 5
Living like a local on this island time
I got those sandy toes and nobody knows jump in the ocean and just go with the flow
I'll miss my sandy toes
I've got to go back before you know this island is my home
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta wash it away
Wash it away
I need the beach I love the ocean
Put my feet in the sand
Watch the earth in motion
Ya had a bad week ya had a bad day
Take it to the shoreside and wash it away
Oh yeah
You gotta
Wash it away
Wash it away
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.