Cant jokes
Q: Why can't dinosaurs clap?
A: Because they're dead.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Y'all, I'm suspended till Wednesday and can't do much cuz I'm on a tablet, not my computer. Tell autterpop I won't be on till Wednesday or after.
People are pushing for a Black Statue Of Liberty coin.
Can't wait to use Black people as currency again :)
Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?
A: He could not use his mother's credit card.
Why can't toilet paper cross the road? Because the toilet paper got stuck in a crack. 🤣🤣🤣
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
What's big and yellow and can't swim? A bus filled with children.
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"