Cant jokes

Hey guys, it's Hailey here.

I'ma start off with henlo ;-;

I know you guys aren't going to believe me because of the assholes who were faking to be me, but if you can try to believe me, I'll explain.

So, Jake, we can't really be together anymore, since we no longer can chat. I'm so sorry.

Basically, my parents caught us on here as you realized. Yayyyy.

I don't have time to say anything else. So I've gotta go, but thankyou guys for everything you did for me.

Also, you won't get any response from me so yea. So sorry guys ;-;

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

My mom is a chemistry teacher.

Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.

Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

I can't wait to see Uranus! 😂

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home. 😢

What's yellow and can’t swim?

Your dead fish.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?

Ereptile Dysfunction!

What's yellow and can't float?

A school bus full of children.

What's the best thing about beating up orphans?

They can't tell their parents.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?

Because he can't do standup.

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.

Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.

Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers.

Um.

Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.