Cant jokes
What has 50 legs but can't walk?
25 disabled kids.
Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips? Parent Signature: _______
Why can't the blind man see? Because he can't see.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
A Karen is so stupid, she can't even cross the hairline!
Joe mama is so fat, Dora can't explore her.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."
"Why not?"
"He keeps peeing in the pool."
"Well, all kids pee in the pool."
"Not from the diving board!"
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."