Cant jokes
One day, the teacher asks a boy, "Why can't fish talk underwater?"
The kid says, "If I put your head underwater, will you be able to talk?"
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"
The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
Dogs can't operate MRI machines.
But cat scan!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
What is the difference between an orphan and a blind kid?
They both can’t see their parents. 😂😂😂😂😂
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What's similar between a blind kid and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.
“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”
I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.
Found out I’m worth $3.97.
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Their focus is always off.
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo?
Too many cheetahs!
My uncle can't walk straight. I think it's because he's gay.
Why is dark spelt with a K and not a C?
Because they can’t see their parents.