Cant jokes

Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?

Because they always come out clean.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They can't find home.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

Son: Mom, what is dark humor?

Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?

Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!

Mom: Exactly!

Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.

Why can't a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?

Their focus is always off.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

If we can't see air, can fish see water?

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Why can’t orphans say "I’m in the ghetto?" Because they can’t say "I’m in a home."

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

Why can’t Michael Jackson get within 500 meters of a school?

Cause he’s dead.

Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?

Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

Why do orphans hate hide n seek?

'Cause they can't find their parents.

Did you hear the joke about the butter?

What is it?

I can’t tell you, you’ll spread it.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."