Cant jokes
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Shep
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?
She doesn't eat pigs.
Why is it so easy bullying orphans?
They can’t tell their mom.
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?
A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Why do orphans bully people?
Because they can't get suspended.
Contact Parent _______
So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)
Why can’t dinosaurs clap?
Because they're dead.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.