Cant jokes

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

so Trump can't tweet it.

Why can't Asians play baseball? Because they will eat the bat.

Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?

She doesn't eat pigs.

Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?

Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

Why is it so easy bullying orphans?

They can’t tell their mom.

Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.

Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?

Because he's dead.

Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?

Because Black people can’t swim.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

Why do orphans bully people?

Because they can't get suspended.

Contact Parent _______

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.