Cant jokes

Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.

Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

Why can’t you tell a funny joke to a wheelchair kid? Because he just rolls with the joke.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?

Nothing because they can't open the gift.

Why can't melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

What's yellow all over and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

My hips can't move, but Heineken.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

Girl: Come over.

Orphan: I can’t.

Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)

Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.

I'm George Washington. I can't spell "teeth" or "American."

Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.

I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!

What do cheetahs wear to work?

They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Everything is black, I can't see, can you?

What did PETA say when a cheetah won 5 million dollars?

You can't beat a cheetah!

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"