Cant jokes
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?
Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
What Kind of Hardware store can't orphans go into?
Home Depot.
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.
Teacher: "You can't be here after school without a parent!"
Orphan: -no response-
Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
Why can’t you run in a campground?
Because it’s past tents.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips? Parent Signature: _______
What is yellow and can’t fly?
A school bus.
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Why can't vampires tell jokes right? All their jokes just SUCK.