Cant jokes
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
You want to hear a joke about pizza?
Sorry! Can't tell ya, it's too cheesy!
Knock knock.
Boo.
No need to cry, it was only a joke. Yeh, I can't think of anything.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman... no other reasons besides that.
A mushroom walked into a pub.
He asked the bartender to give him a beer.
The bartender said, "I can't, you'll get too rowdy."
The mushroom then said, "Oh come on! When I drink, I'm a fun guy!"
If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Question: Why can't you trust a tree?
Answer: 'Cause they are always shady.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
When your husband can’t afford a punching bag, he uses his wife.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.