Can jokes

Q: What's an orphan's favorite game?

A: The Sims 4, because then they can simulate having a family.

"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can phone home.

One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

I like Christmas.

It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁

There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.

How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.

Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?

From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Been learning Chinese...

69 is too-can-chew.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

What are the similarities of GTA V and 9/11? A plane can be stolen and crashed into a building by a bunch of terrorists.

Why do emo kids cost so much?

Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.