Can jokes

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

Why do emos have friends?

So they can hang with each other.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

Because they can actually buy a house.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Been learning Chinese...

69 is too-can-chew.

Why do emo kids cost so much?

Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

lmao why do people think they can fly?