Can jokes

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.

I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.

But I got seven Up.

Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.

B: Can you please stop roasting me?

A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.

Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.

Why can't I touch little old women, but nursing home nurses can?

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

Why aren't blind people in Brazil?

Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."

Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."

What type of horse can jump higher than a house?

All houses can't jump.

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!

Why do emos have friends?

So they can hang with each other.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.