Can jokes
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
I like Christmas.
It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys! :) yaaaaay 😁
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Why can orphans travel around so much?
A. They never get homesick.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Finish the lyrics: Can I put my...
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
Can we go back to 2001?
I bet it was more fun back then.
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
What type of horse can jump higher than a house?
All houses can't jump.
Why aren't blind people in Brazil?
Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄
Why do emos have friends?
So they can hang with each other.