Can jokes
Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Can watersharky and Gwen comment on this? I need to talk to you guys.
Why can you bully orphans?
What are they gonna do, tell their parents? Oh wait, they got no parents.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
In the new Justice League movie, Flash can break glass by touching it, why is that?
Because Flash is not supported on Windows.
Riddle: I can fill a room, others can have me, but I can't be shared. What am I?
Answer: Loneliness.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?
Both of them are just full of shit.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
What's the difference between a Ranga and a Brick?
A Brick can get laid.
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
What can jump higher than a basketball player?
An emo kid, they never touch the ground.
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”