Can jokes

I like porn a lot. I was wondering if you guys can talk to me.

It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."

Hi, I'm Madison, but for short you can call me Alex.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?

Teacher: No?

Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."

Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.

Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.

Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

"I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist.

He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."

Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Bone."

"Bone who?"

"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."

Why can you punch an orphan and get away with it?

Because what is he gonna do, tell his parents?

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

Have you heard the new pickup line in a gay bar?

Can I push your stool in for ya?