Can jokes

How can Batman defeat the Joker? A: With a handful of sleeping pills.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

Yo mama so ugly,

they won’t give her a vaccine so she can keep wearing her mask.

How can Canada be one of the most educated countries when Canadians are unable to correctly spell "analyse", "programme", and "aluminium"?

What do you call a group of emos?

Suicide Squad.

What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?

Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.

If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

What’s the best part of having sex with a pregnant woman?

You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

What can jump higher than a basketball player?

An emo kid, they never touch the ground.

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.

One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”

“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”

“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!

Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...

Rape...hurt...and sell them!

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"