Can

Can jokes

Mother

    • "Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."

    - Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*

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    • Rule

    • One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.

    Potato

    • I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

    A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

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    • Chicken

    • My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.

    "No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."

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    • Can memes

    Music

    • If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

    If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

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    • Gynecologist

    • What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

    Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

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    • Weed

    • What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

    If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

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    • Soda

    • My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

    I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.

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    • Bike

    • “My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

    I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

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    • Suicide

    • If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

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