Can jokes
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Memes
I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. š
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)
Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.