Can jokes
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?
Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
Why aren't blind people in Brazil?
Because they can only read Braille. 🇧🇷 🙄
Why do emos have friends?
So they can hang with each other.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Why was the Pokemon under your bed? So it can Pikachu.
How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?
He starts to quiver! ;)
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
A can't opener.