Can jokes

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?

Because they can actually buy a house.

How can you tell a bow n' arrows scared?

He starts to quiver! ;)

Yes, you are the one who can get it, and what time do I have?

There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"

The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"

The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"

The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"

The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"

My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

Why do Asians excel at math?

Because their dog can never eat their homework.

Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.

I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"

What do black parents and elevators have in common?

Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.

With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.

Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!

So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.