Can jokes
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Your forehead is so big you can headbutt my face and chest at the same time.
B: Can you please stop roasting me?
A: At least the "roasting" that I did to you didn't burn you to death.
Terrorist: We can go over it, we can’t go under it, let’s go through it.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
Why does an orphan like church so much? So he can call someone "father."
Why does the orphan like nature? He can call someone "mother."
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
I'm so confused. Who is Gwen? The only Gwen I can think of is the one from Spiderman. 😂
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.