Can jokes

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

A computer science student is studying under a tree, and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, 'You can have anything you want.'"

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.

I hope my teacher will be ok.

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on their broom.

Nobody

Literally nobody

Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?

What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?

When you have a gun in your hand.

What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?

Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.

I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...

Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.

Rules of Dark humor:

1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.

I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

- Sincerely, Zane

Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”

Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”

Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”

If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

- One dead baby in five garbage cans.

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."

Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.