Can jokes
There's an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, it can affect pigs and cows.
I hope my teacher will be ok.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"
"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Once you go Asian, you can solve the equation.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?
- One dead baby in five garbage cans.