Can Jokes

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing to her about being suicidal, she's been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man better than another heterosexual man? experience

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Can orphans eat at a family restaurant?

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

When I die can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.

How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?

If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.

Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?

Well, probably their kneecaps.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.