Can jokes
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
Hey, can I tell you a joke about pencils? Never mind, it's pointless.
Your forehead is so deep, not even curry can shoot from that deep.
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
Katgod, can you get your girlfriend? She's messing with me, and I'm gonna hurt soon.
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
Why do you need an AR-15?
So my son can use it if he's being bullied at school.
Why are 9/11 victims so good at reading?
Because they can go through 100 stories in 5 minutes.
He’s so short no one can see you very close by.
Your hairline is so deep people can see what you're thinking.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?
They can go through 100 floors in 7 seconds.
I think I found the worst joke in life. For me, it's that I have always been unwanted and alone for my whole life, and I've never even been in a relationship with anyone, and I'm 31 years old, and I also know that deep down, I'm always going to be alone and unhappy. All I get out of life is seeing everyone else with someone and knowing it will never happen for me. I think that's the worst joke I can think of... LIFE.
Still living when you know you'll never find someone to be with.
I apologize with the wording to this; it's another thing I am a failure at.
Feel free to comment.
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
What is the difference between Superman and an emo kid? Superman can actually land.