Can jokes
Hey guys, starting tomorrow, I will put one letter of the "doin your mom" song every day. Can I finish the song?
Also, I might be in Fortnite, hehehehehe.
Madden Whiffen, a curious soul, With an appetite beyond control, A bottomless pit, never satisfied, Ingesting all that's placed beside.
From dawn till dusk, he feasts his way, Devouring meals without delay, With gusto he consumes, without restrain, Every morsel, every crumb, he'll obtain.
No dish too large, no portion too small, His hunger insatiable, devouring it all, From succulent meats to delicate greens, He relishes the flavors, savoring each scene.
A culinary adventure, forever he embarks, Sampling cuisines from all walks and arcs, From street food to gourmet, he seeks it all, His palate an explorer, on a constant sprawl.
He savors the spices, the textures, the taste, In a gastronomic journey, no time to waste, For Madden Whiffen, the food is his muse, A symphony of flavors, he'll never refuse.
But caution, dear friends, in this feeding spree, For gluttony can lead to a troublesome plea, Madden Whiffen, beware the consequences, For overindulgence brings no recompenses.
In the realm of cuisine, he reigns supreme, A legend of eating, a man of extreme, Madden Whiffen, the one who eats it all, In his gastronomic pursuit, he stands tall.
So let us marvel at his voracious might, As he devours dishes, day and night, For in Madden Whiffen, we witness the feat, A man who eats everything, a culinary elite.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
What type of chip can orphan's not eat? The Lay's Family Size chips!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Why do orphans never use other people's Wi-Fi?
So they can be connected.
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak?
Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.
Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mind?
Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals. The people will go nuts for a great deal!
Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.
Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up! Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?
Neona: Hmm...let's see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......
What do you call roller skates you can walk in?
"Wock n' roll."
My field trip at school earlier:
Little Timmy (angrily): "I WANT MY IPAD!"
Ms. Melina: "We can have it at school if you turn your day around."
Little Timmy: "BUT I WANT IT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"
Ms. Melina: "But we're heading back to school."
Little Timmy: "B**TCH, I HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING HOME!"
Little Timmy *starts banging the bus window*
Little Timmy: "THAT’S IT, I F**KING HATE SCHOOL! I’M GOING TO CANADA!"
Ms. Melina: "TIMMY, STOP IT! THE SCHOOL IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT WINDOW IF YOU BREAK IT!"
Me: "Let’s just tell his family to move to Shadow Bay anyways because Red Oaks would be so f**king good for him."
*Window breaks*
Ms. Melina: "STOP THAT RIGHT F**KING NOW!"
Little Timmy: "BUT JEFFY AND JUNIOR ARE PICKING ME UP AND TAKING ME TO F**KING CANADA RIGHT NOW! LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!"
Ms. Melina: "THAT’S IT TIMMY, YOU'RE SO F**KING BUSTED! I’M CALLING MS. ALEJANDRA RIGHT NOW!"
The end.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knock, knock." "Knock, knock who?" "Can you let me in now?"
Why can you trust a donut? It tells the hole truth!
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
Your face is so big that not even you can see it.
Even though you are a meateater, you can still totally be a vegetarian.
Orphan: Can I come over?
Girl: Yeah, but you have to bring your parents.