Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy" to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, i'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy.
Hey can u hold this for a second
What do cannibals call an orphanage, all you can eat buffe.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
Why does a cow love music Because it can play a moo- sical instruments
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring
Why can't the USA and England play chess?"
USA has no towers and England has no queen.
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Why can't orphans work at S.C Johnson? Cause it's a family company.
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them...
But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except Abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______
