Can jokes

Hey, cobalt can't. But tin can ;)

You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.

What is the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support its family.

Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again? Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!

Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit."

How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?

What’s something you can say at a Christian summer camp and during a blind date?

"Good Lord, this is fun!"

SMG4 Mario be like in Ohio: I don’t wanna do this...

Candice everyone: Candice?

Mario: CAN DEEZ NUTS FIT IN YOUR MOUTH!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

'Cause they can never hit a homerun.

All I can see when I pass Saturn is Uranus because it's so big.

Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun?

Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.

What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

What about the glue?

I knew you'd get stuck there.

Helen Keller can use Hodled's words because they are so bad.

Question: What is the BIG ADVANTAGE to going out on a date with a "Homeless Chic"?

Answer: After the date, you can "Drop Her Off" ANYWHERE!

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah) And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped. Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want (ah). You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off (ah). It's like we never even happened. Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha) And good for you, it's like you never even met me. Remember when you swore to God I was the only Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

Ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah Maybe I'm too emotional But your apathy's like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Maybe I'm too emotional Your apathy is like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. Like a damn sociopath. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.