Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate' "
I won't reply on every jokes today because I want to say thanks (to everyone) for making funny jokes here... Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes, its makes me happy and its making me less anxious. I am really stressed on my school works and everything, I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertain me and making me laugh so hard. *I apologize for my grammar
What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn't Sooner
Why do orphans play Minecraft? So they can at least build a home.
any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery
Why is the tower of Pisa leaning Because unlike the twin towers it can doge
What do you call an all you can eat buffet for a Pedophile? A school bus.
It must be not a good suicide story if you can tell it.
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Teacher: Johnny can you use a sentence with definitely in it Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them Teacher: of cause not Johnny Little Johnny: then I’ve definitely shat myself
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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
What did Hitler say when he was blindfolded? I can Nazi!
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
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