Can jokes
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?
So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.
"Hey man, what’s your name? Oh, my name is... Do your balls hang low? Can you swing it to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?"
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
You're so bald, I can see what's on your mind.
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
Me: You have pretty eyes.
Her: Thank you.
Me: I can make them roll back 😈🥴
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
I can’t stand disabled jokes...
Neither can they 😂
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Insomnia.
You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...