Can jokes
Flex tape can fix a sawed-in-half boat. Then how the f*** can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? Tell me!
What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.
Why did the dinosaur take a bath?
So it can get ex-stinked!
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?
Orphan: I don't have a family.
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.
What's one advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody can make mama jokes about you. 🌚
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
If you call the number 800-273-8500 in Afghanistan, they say, "Can you fly a plane?"
You're so tall you can go see God, but you're so tall your balls got small.
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
U can vent here idc.
Can you f**k out of here?
Karen says:
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
I told some orphan that you can see your family, but I meant Spider-Man: Homecoming...
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.
WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What kind of birthday cake do you get on September 11th?
Three small ones, so you can have a flight of different cake flavors!
What’s bin Laden got in common with SpongeBob?
Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, and they’re filled with holes.