Can jokes
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
Why did they invent glow-in-the-dark condoms? So gay guys can play Star Wars.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
I can see your cameltoe, you nasty thot!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
How many gay guys can you fit on a bar stool? Four, just flip it over.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."
What do you call a Jedi that can use the force to fly?
A Jedi Flight.
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.
"What is it?" said George Sink.
"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.