Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Can Jokes
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.
You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.
But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.
And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.
You can easily outrun a midget because they have to run twice as much as you do.
What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?
Arsenal can win trophies and win games.
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"
Yo momma so short... You can see her feet on her driver's license photo!
Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.
Chuck Norris can make a fire with two ice cubes.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
