Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What's the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They're under a buck.
What STD can you get from phone sex?
Hearing AIDS.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
You can keep the tip.
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
