But jokes

I feel weird to ask this, but can anyone guess my real name?

#Imbored

Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

You: Yeah, but why so many people?

Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

You: Dude!!!!

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

So you see all these Baby Yoda memes when you go online, But you have never really seen the show with him.

He is just SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

We the jury are yet to deliver our final verdict, but we would like to have a guess.

Is it Mrs. Peacock with the candlestick in the library?

Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?

Friend: What goes up but not down?

You: Your age.

I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.

I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.

I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

Yes yes yes the yes yes he did but what u tolk xjxfjgjcmbjhdkggdjlud.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.