But jokes

Lol, this joke may not be funny, but what do you call your mom fat and emo?

I tried to catch fog, but sadly, I missed.

This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)

Gwen just wanted to help you with the bullying.

Tip 1. Ignore them; bullies are really just cowards.

Tip 2. Stand up for yourself; it's ok for people to also help you, but you do the same for yourself!

Tip 3. Just let them be; they're just stupid!

Love you-Iariah

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

Hey guys, sorry to bother you but search "Izzy" on the search thingy on the website, thank you!

A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.

A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.

Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"

A man walked into a bar with an AK-47 with a 50-round mag and yelled out, "Who the fuck fucked my wife?" Everyone was quiet.

One man at the back stood up and called, "Sorry mate, but I don't think you have enough bullets."

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

Orphan: Wanna have a sleepover?

Friend: But you're an orphan.

Orphan: Just wanted a place to sleep tonight!

I was at the beach today, and there was a big wave.

Somebody went, "Damn, that crashed harder than the Twin Towers." Jack may have survived the towers, but not the crash.

I know 25 letters of the alphabet, but I don't know why.

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows.

It would have had doors, but why was it ever spelt DOS?

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

What is bigger than an elephant but smaller than two elephants?

A different sized elephant.

Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.

The sir: My children will be devastated.

Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.

The sir: Whatever it takes.

*Suppressed gunshots*

Tooth 1: Hey, do you like my jokes?

Tooth 2: Yeah, but they're cracking me up.

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!