But jokes

I can't walk, I can't talk, but I can drive a wheelchair.

Wipe your feet before entering, but in Stephen Hawking's case, it is "Wipe your wheels."

I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Can February march?

No, but April may.

Why are short people sad?

Don't judge though, it's crap but...

Because they couldn't reach happiness.

Gwen, this needs to stop, so please, this is not a dating website, go on Tinder or something, just not here. Hate me if it makes you feel better, but this is sickening!

So you see all these Baby Yoda memes when you go online, But you have never really seen the show with him.

He is just SOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

I would tell you a good joke, but I can’t, so here is a bad one.

I would tell you a joke about a teacher, but she’d kill you at school.

I am really hot, but I hate water. What am I?

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.