But jokes

Why are short people sad?

Don't judge though, it's crap but...

Because they couldn't reach happiness.

When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

But they know you're blind.

My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.

What's the difference between a school shooting pistol and a baked potato? The physical composition, of course, but they both pack the same heat.

Pistachio can’t, but pe-can.

What is sticky, but it cannot stick a stick?

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I didn't post yesterday! I had swim practice, and a bunch of homework, but here I am! And here is the quote of the day!

"Push yourself, because no one will do it for you."

Love y'all so much!

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

Jk: Jimin, why are you so small?

Jm: Excujjimi?

Jk: No offense, Jim.

Jm: Yah, call me hyung!

Jk: But I'm bigger.

Jm: I'm older!

Jk: I'm the top and you're the bottom, so I don't think it's right to call you hyung.

Jm:......

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

I don't know why, but every 911 joke I've heard always comes crashing down.

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.

Every bad joke can become a good joke with a good delivery, but abortion jokes, they have no delivery.

You heard of the Pixar movie "Up," but have you heard of "Down, Down," the 9/11 terrorist attack?

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"