But jokes

My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.

I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

I wanted to take a bath, but decided to leave it where it is.

How do you disappoint people in Africa?

Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.

But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.

I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.

I would tell you a cat pun, but it's too purr-fect to share.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"

I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.

I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!

What did the beat say to the rapper?

"You're off rhythm, but I'll give you a hand!"

I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.

I would call Slade dense, but that would be an insult to rocks.