But jokes

Hey, wake up. I just murdered your family, but I live alone.

Then who are these people in your house? They are people in my house? Well, not anymore, dumb bitch. You're welcome, you could have died.

I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.

I tried my best using phone sex online, but the thing about it is the holes cannot fit through.

What falls but never gets hurt? Snow.

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.

High school students are also more interesting to see, but they are you on your way. Just kidding! 🤣

I got pranked so many times. Once I saw two wheels rolling down the street. I heard this noise. I looked behind me. There's a legless man in a wheelless chair screaming, "HELP! I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE!" but I walked away. I knew it was a prank.

What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?

A vowel movement.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Hillary Clinton could be the first F president ever elected into office.

Sorry, it was supposed to say "Female," but the "emale" got deleted.

They say Trump got impeached, but he is an orange.

I don’t know if Jesus was black or white, but I know he for sure wasn’t Asian because people wouldn’t ask him to take the wheel.

I'd tell a bad baby joke, but I decided to abort.

Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.

Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?