But jokes
I would tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.
But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
Memes
I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.
Quote from Seth no.1: "I would have fought back, but she was seven."
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I'd tell you a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown.
But the punch line is too long.
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
Time flies by, doesn’t it?
But the plane in 9/11 didn’t.
When a clock goes forward, it goes "tic-tac," but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
When you're working in the Twin Towers, but you have to turn your computer to airplane mode.